Well now, boys and girls, are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.
Once upon a time, there was a little English shepherdess who lost all her sheep.
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
And doesn’t know where to find them.
Leave them alone and they’ll come home,
Bringing their tails behind them.
Little Bo Peep fell fast asleep
And dreamt she heard them bleating,
But when she awoke, she found it a joke,
For they were all still fleeting.
Then up she took her little crook
Determined for to find them.
She found them indeed, but it made her heart bleed,
For they left their tails behind them.
It happened one day, as Bo Peep did stray
Into a meadow hard by,
There she espied their tails side by side
All hung on a tree to dry.
She heaved a sigh, and wiped her eye,
And over the hillocks went rambling,
And tried what she could,
As a shepherdess should,
To tack again each to its lambkin.
If you imagine the tale ends there, oh, my dears, think again!
The Lady of the Manor, Evangelina, is trying to help Little Bo Peep and goes searching far and wide across her husband’s estate, humming a tuneless little ditty to herself. Evangelina is tone-deaf, a failing her husband tries to ignore when she attempts to entertain guests at one of their sumptuous parties.
“Oh, how charming,” exclaims Evangelina on discovering one of the rams beside her favourite tree. “Come here, my little thing. I wish to stroke you,” she says, pointing a finger at him in an imperious manner.
The ram, Josiah, is feeling miserable for he has had a frustrating morning trying to persuade his sweetheart, Minty, to give him the attention he thinks he deserves. ‘I’m not your little thing,’ he thinks, glaring at Evangelina. ‘I belong to Bo Peep, if anyone, and I very much want to belong to Minty. So there.’
His mood is not helped by this stranger standing in his shadow and he snaps. Launching himself at her, he follows his head butt with a bite of her thumb.
The word that explodes from Evangelina’s lips has hitherto only been uttered by the workers in the meadows on whom she has so often spied, intrigued and excited by the shape of their bodies and the curve of their muscles, of which her husband has none.
It is not until after Little Bo Peep has found the tails and replaced them on her lambkins, that the Lady of the Manor is found by one Snotty Smethwick, a cow-hand on the estate. He carries her almost lifeless body to the main house where the housekeeper takes it upon herself to tend to her mistress. Little Bo Peep is called upon to mix up one of her refreshing potions to revive Evangelina.
It is too late. That evening, the Lady of the Manor succumbs to the Hereafter.
There is much weeping and wailing on the estate. A lavish funeral takes place, after which life goes on much as it always has. Except for one thing.
The Lord of the Manor falls in love with Little Bo Peep and marries her. Their happiness is short-lived. Snotty Smethwick, who was secretly in love with the Lady of the Manor, is highly suspicious and decides that the ram is not to blame, rather that Little Bo Peep’s potion had been laced with poison.
One thing leads to another until the new Lady of the Manor is charged with murder and imprisoned at Newgate.
Little Bo Peep dies of heartbreak and starvation.
Some say it was the housekeeper who did the dirty deed. Only Josiah knew the truth for he died not long after of a nasty disease and was mourned by Minty alone, and extravagantly at that.
© Sarah Vernon
Ingredients for Pastoral Lady
The Result
Ram and tree: The Graphics Fairy
Georgian lady: Vintage Stock Art
Background: EKDuncan @ Deviant Art
Take care and keep laughing!
I read this the other night and directly after pulled my copy of “The Blue Fairy Book” from the shelf. You’ve certainly inspired a return to (violent!) faerie tales.
I’m very impressed by your image editing skills…more than impressed. Almost jealous! where’d you learn that?
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My work is done! Bless you for reading and commenting.
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The funny thing is, it was the “unthinkable” that threw me. I should know my own website! Space cadet…I wasn’t ruffled or anything, I was just *huh?* must have suffered a brain hemorrhage because I just couldn’t understand words.
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No space cadet you! My brain (such as is left of it) works exactly the same way, especially when stressed. Worry not. Have a lovely Sunday!
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Reblogged this on First Night Design and commented:
Still no connection so one from the archive.
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Superb….and love the images…one of my favourites:) Hope this means that your internet connection is up and running again. Have a lovely Sunday:)x
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Alas, still no connection and I’m never able to stay long at the cafe as it’s too uncomfortable! Happy Sunday!
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Oh fairy tales… Some people think they are all fluffy and sweet. I wonder what they’ve been reading… Fabulous
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Thank you, Olga. Fluffy? They should read Little Red Riding Hood, shouldn’t they!
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Poor old little Bo Peep! with a name like that it was bound to end badly! Fantastic! Loved your Pastoral Lady and the other images too. 🙂
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Thanks so much!
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This was a delightful read, Sarah! I’m glad I ventured out this morning and stopped by you first! So sorry for your computer woes. How I detest them and I’ve had my share. But if I were to go to town, I’d hate it even more, a bit of a tedious car ride down the mountain that hurts my brittle bones with every jolt! I send you special powers to fix things fast. You are always missed with your writings and delightful art!
xoxox
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Pleased you enjoyed it! Ooh, I feel for you with the jolts. It’s the same for me in my scooter with irritating holes in the road. And unless I’m in my armchair with my special slide over table, it’s a nightmare working on the computer. Your special powers worked and I’m back online at home. xxx
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I’m so glad! 😀
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Cautionary indeed. I guess I never realized the darkness in the original tale. Love “the rest of the story” as well as “The Pastoral Lady.”
I have fond memories of the Grimm Fairy Tales.
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Neither did I! Glad you like my lady.
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Great fun. I think you should go after Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater.
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I’m glad you enjoyed it, Richard. I’ve been meaning to do more of the same ever since but time keeps flying away from me!
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Sure does. As Groucho said: “Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
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My laugh of the day, Richard. A friend of mine once ended a friendship with a couple as soon he discovered they didn’t like The Marx Bros!
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