Incorrect use of the apostrophe is my bete noir, as anyone who has read my punctuation post will know.

Eagle-Eyed Editor

writing pen Weapon of mass production: the humble writing pen. Image courtesy of cohdra, Morguefile.

SCENE: COFFEE SHOP, WEEKDAY, 5:00 P.M.

(Apostrophe shuffles in the door)

THE EDITOR: Hey, Apostrophe, how are you? What’s going on?

APOSTROPHE: Oh, man…..

THE EDITOR: Apostrophe, you don’t look so hot. Come on, sit down here. I’ll buy you a skinny latte.

APOSTROPHE: (sighs wearily): All right.

THE EDITOR: So come on, spill it. What’s happened?

APOSTROPHE: I’m just spread around so much these days. You know I don’t mind working hard, right? (Editor nods) I stand in for those vowels and consonants all the time. Whenever they need me — I stand in for the “O” in haven’t, don’t, won’t, wouldn’t and isn’t and the “A” of you’re and they’re. I replace the “G” in sayin’ and thinkin’. I even stand in for the “ou” in y’all and the “ha”…

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